Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
