Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
