now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
