i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
