dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
