my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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