That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
