is your mom at the bar?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
