Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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