I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
