there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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