i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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