I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
