my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
