nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
