hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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