FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
