what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
