While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
