is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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