i don't like sucking hair
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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