if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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