If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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