Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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