Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
