Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
