He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My life is pants optional.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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