I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
