Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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