my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
