Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
