i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
