Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
