yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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