Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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