Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
