You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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