Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
