she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
