Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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