Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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