after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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