It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
