I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
