I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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