I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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