the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
