One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
