So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think your dad took our porno
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
