not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize