at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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