Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We have started to decorate penises.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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