I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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