The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
