it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
