There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
