is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
