I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
