Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
