So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize