I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
