i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
