Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
