Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
